Sweet Jesus. Have you seen the WB's new "Tarzan"?

I can just imagine the network pitch meeting: "People like 'Law & Order' and 'CSI.' They also like 'Angel' and 'Dawson's Creek.' What if -- stick with me here -- we combine them? But we'll throw in a bohemian Australian underwear model and the bald guy from 'The X-Files' just to hit all demographics."

"Housewives? Check! They love them some old bald guy from 'The X-Files'! Gay men and teen-age girls? Check! Check! They love them some bohemian Australian underwear models."

"But how can we draw in people who love literary characters that have been exploited by Disney and John Derek? I know! We'll update 'Tarzan'!"

Bah! Now these entries are jumbled. Oh, well. I'll catch on. Eventually.