I don't think I'd sign my last name, either: At SBC, "Zach S." takes a cue from Rich Johnston and introduces the decidedly unfunny "Looney Bin" with pretend resolutions from comics pros:

"Brian Michael Bendis: I resolve that this year, two thousand and four AD, I will completely take over Marvel Comics. Not just the 'Ultimate Marvel' line, but to write - even draw - every comic Marvel will publish. I should probably have that accomplished by September, so then I can begin to take over the Marvel editorial staff. I'll start off editing my own books in the 'Ultimate' line, then I'll branch out to all the other books. By the end of the year, I should be ready to become Stan Lee. Also, I know this is a bit much, but hear me out; I will stop making my dialogue so long. I will condense the amount of words I have my letterer shove into the little dialogue balloons. This will help not only the letterer, but the artist as well. Both of my resolutions should be fairly easy to accomplish. I've managed to actually shorten this written resolution from its original 8 pages. Happy New Year."

"Chuck Austen: For the new year, my resolution is simple: to thwart Brian Michael Bendis's plan, and claim Marvel as my own. Unlike Brian, I don't wish to write every book at Marvel, just the X titles. By doing this, I can create the largest 'soap opera' X-arc ever. That's all."